Dear Auntyji
I am a 17-year-old girl attending high school and I am having trouble with coordinating what I should do next as a smart decision. I met my former boyfriend at a family friend’s and we instantly fell in love. Nine months into our relationship and we hardly talk or see each other because his father is extremely strict about dating, sets his bedtime schedule (he is turning 20 next year) and tells me that I am a complete distraction to him despite me following his every word. I still cannot understand why even after I followed his father’s verdict, I still got the bad treatment – he said I am the reason he failed every single university exam when he went to Europe for a month during his first semester, and threatened to tell my parents if I ever spoke to his son again. We have been broken up for two months now but despite that my mum and I are blocked on all platforms of communication (with him and his family).
Is this normal for Indian parents and boys to do? Should I remain quiet through all of this despite him not speaking up, telling the truth, or for allowing his father to degrade me?
Please help me like your little bachcha in need.
My dear little bachchi,
Thank you so much for writing to me and asking me your life-altering question. Listen up, my little gulabo, my chameli, I have good advice for you.
Now I am very old, but when I was much much younger, my dearest Naniji would look at me lovingly when I told her about my boy woes, cup my face in her hands and say this.
“My little kishmish, my sweet little pari. Nothing good ever comes from chasing a man and trying to get him to give you something he does not want to give. Stop chasing him. You deserve better.”
And so my pyari si pari, don’t become a 12-day-old jalebi left at the back of the cupboard half-eaten by cockroaches and rats. You deserve better treatment than this. Why are you chasing a boy who is controlled by his father? Why do you want a boy who does not show you respect? What for you wasting your time with a boy who won’t even bother communicating with you?
You deserve a boyfriend who will treat you well, who will stand up for you, and who will communicate with love and affection. This boy is not right for you. The only reason your boyfriend is in your life is to teach you how to respect yourself. So, respect yourself by cutting off ties with him and moving on. The right companion for you is in your future.
If you don’t start respecting yourself, then in your future, no one will respect you. You might even go through a lot of pain. So be smart; learn this lesson early in life. Don’t be like my friend Pushpa bahen, who allowed her husband to disrespect her all her life and she was left with nothing when he abandoned her at age 45 for a much younger woman.
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