Dear Auntyji
My lovely wife, to whom I’ve been married 25 years, is nearly 50 – and her behaviour is making me think. She used to be quite gregarious in her 30s. She made friends wherever she went. But over the last few years, she has slowly stopped seeing her friends and prefers solitary activities, like staying in and reading. She no longer social media – and remains one of the most well informed, balanced, thoughtful people I know. She’s very loving – but prefers her own company. She finds it odd that I like going out with my friends but does not stop me from doing so.
So last week, I wanted to have dinner with her and some friends. She said she wanted to read instead – which she did. When I came home, I asked why she didn’t want to come with us, and essentially, she said this: “Darling, our friends are nice people but they are…. dull. They are just like us. I don’t understand how you can meet up with the same people all the time talking the same bland, boring stuff.” Then she said, “Tell me this – how has your world view or perspective on life shifted as a result of that dinner? What have you learnt about the human condition?” And I couldn’t answer her, Auntyji. She said she would rather have dinner with a Trump supporter or a racist than talk to our friends who are the same as us. Auntyji, I am so gobsmacked by this perspective. What am I to do with this information?
Auntyji says
Arre yaara, mere nasamajh, mere akl ka dushman – this is the most entertaining thing I’ve read all year! I’d buy your wife a whole box of gulab jamuns just to have a conversation with her. Auntyji wisdom
I get what she means about friends – human nature makes us gravitate toward people like us because they offer comfort. So, I suspect your gatherings are the usual trite discussions – pseudo-intellectual chatter laced with dogma picked up from social media. Nothing new, nothing interesting. No wonder your biwi doesn’t want to indulge in this mediocrity.
She seems thoughtful, someone who genuinely wants to understand the world and people. That’s why she’d rather be in the company of bigots – at least there, she’ll learn something, challenge her perspectives, and elevate her consciousness.
So what can you do? Well, you’re a party animal who enjoys these inane, superficial get-togethers with dull friends lacking imagination. Therefore, you can continue doing what you do. Lucky for you, your wife seems to love you – though how she tolerates an unthinking extrovert like you is beyond me. Auntyji wisdom
Your other option? Elevate your awareness. Arre yaara, make your wife your role model. Do what she does. Your wallet and waistline will thank you. The only thing that’ll expand is your mind – and God knows you need it.
Indian Link’s agony aunt AUNTYJI is here to help. Email info@indianlink.com.au for advice on love, work, family and relationships
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