Hi Auntyji
This year, I have decided I am going to be a better wife – by being more loving toward my wonderful husband. But he is making it very difficult for me by his current behaviour. Let me explain.
About six months ago, whenever something frustrated my hubby, he would groan and grumble. Mostly to himself. For example, if the dishwasher needed attention, he would open the door, stare at it, groan and then sigh, “Poor Vicky”. Mostly to himself because it meant that it was his job to fix the situation. I would laugh and laugh silently, mostly because it was hilarious listening to his sighs of self-pity.
But lately, his groans are quite audible. If the parking metre is not working, he will get frustrated and groan multiple times quite loudly, like a petulant toddler who can’t get the jigsaw puzzles right. His groans and grumbles are hugely irritating. If a situation is not working for me, for example, the umbrella is not opening properly or the garage door is stuck or the kitchen drawer is not opening or closing, I calmly try to rectify the situation. No theatrics from me. So, Auntyji, how do I get my hubby to stop the drama and tamasha and just get on with it – without the vocal accompaniments? Any advice?
Auntyji says
Oh my calm and resilient little Saraswati, you are the embodiment of all that we should aspire to be. I can feel your frustration – because some time ago, my own hunny, the usually jocular and easy-going Uncleji started doing the same thing. For example the car wouldn’t start – and in addition to the recalcitrant sounds of the engine trying to start, there would be Uncleji, grunting and moaning in symphony with the dying engine. It was like an orchestra of the damned. I put a stop to it by one day reminding him that he was behaving exactly as his mother did when she got frustrated. It put an immediate stop to his naatak.
For you, you can go all out and take the entertaining approach. Next time something is not working, and Vicky is there grunting and groaning in frustration, step in and say “let me have a turn”. Then you must also grunt, groan, grumble at the situation. But you have to take it up a notch and be even louder than Vicky. If he looks at you with surprise and asks what you are doing, then look back at him equally surprised, as though you don’t know what he is talking about. If you do this at least three to four times, I am certain Vicky will get the message.
If he doesn’t, you can always record him. Then play back.
However, if you truly mean it when you say you want to be a more loving wife, then I suggest you let Vicky know that his groans are lacking in grace – and his dignity, even his mardangi – is being compromised, when he carries on like that. He will get the message. All the best!
Indian Link’s agony aunt AUNTYJI is here to help. Email info@indianlink.com.au for advice on love, work, family and relationships
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