Dear Auntyji
I have been married for ten years to a wonderful man. He is kind, thoughtful and considerate, but a little on the reserved side. I love him dearly.
He recently got a promotion and now, every so often, he goes to the pub with his new manager and team. Auntyji, he has only a few drinks and comes straight home.
But when he comes home, it’s like he’s a different man. He is jovial, he laughs at his own jokes, he makes me laugh and he even dances to Bollywood music to try to make me laugh. He tells me funny stories, and also tells me how wonderful I am.
Now, I know he is sincere when he says all this. But, I’m finding myself encouraging him to go out and drink with his buddies, because I know the man who returns a little tipsy will be so much fun. It’s like this other side of his personality is so wonderful, I want him to drink as often as he can.
But Auntyji, I also worry. Am I enabling an alcoholic? Am I being selfish because I get to see the fun side of my beloved beer drinker husband? The truth is, he goes out maybe once a fortnight, has no more than 3-4 beers, and he denies that he is drunk. But still, should I worry? Am I demonstrating an interest in only my own needs for a fun and happy husband – instead of his health? What should I do – I am worried I am becoming a sharaabi’s wife.
Auntyji says
Are kalankini, you are the only wife I have heard of who loves it when her husband comes home tipsy.
But look, I fully understand your perspective because there are clearly so many benefits there for you.
Now, it looks like your husband allows the alcohol to wash away his inhibitions. And he only needs 3-4 beers for that to happen.
He comes home a happier, more interesting version of himself. And he only does this once a fortnight.
As I see it, there is no harm here. What’s 3-4 beers at a pub night? Heck, I’d even go so far as saying your husband is very measured in his drinking. Maybe the alcohol is helping bring out this other side of him.
That famous line by Australian literary icon Henry Lawson comes to mind: “Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”
Perhaps in the future, your darling beer drinker patidev might not need the madira to be this fun, relaxed, entertaining version of himself.
So my suggestion to you is to enjoy this, and get into the spirit of it. There are clearly so many benefits for you both – why would you deny yourself this. Now, if the 3 beers start turning into 3+2+5+1 other alcoholic drinks, then you may need to help beer drinker hubby curtail this excess.
So, do ghoont tum bhi pi lo, and dekho phir hota hai kya.
Jhoom barabar jhoom, sharabi…
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