Dear Auntyji,
Please give me some guidance on workplace romance – because right now, I feel like my heart is about to break.
I am a 33-year-old man born and bred here to Indian parents, and work as a lawyer in a telco here in Sydney.
About six months ago we got a new manager Anjali.
Anjali is also born and bred here to Indian parents and she is about 28 years old. Auntyji, Anjali is heartbreakingly beautiful. When she walks into a room, it’s like sunlight has entered. She is super bright and very nice – which is how she got a leadership role. I know Anjali is single, because Ranjit from Marketing looked her up on social media and it turns out she is not with anyone. Auntyji, I am a lawyer, so I know what legislation says about workplace romances. But my heart wants what it wants. I am always very professional with Anjali but honestly, I would die for her. I want to buy her roses, I want to take her flamenco dancing in Spain followed by a bull running in Pamplona. I want to write her Urdu poetry, because one of my grand uncles was a shayar and he instilled the love of Urdu in me. Auntyji, I feel like I am dying here. I can’t profess my love for Anjali. What do I do?
Auntyji says
Arre wah, tu toh bilkul Majnu nikla, with your roses and dancing and bloody sports. Dil kya kare, jab kisise kisi ko, kisi se pyar ho jaye.
Magar, first things first.
Running of the bulls is a terrible activity. Get that out of your mind, you nasamajh. As an Indian origin person, you should know better than this. What a disappointment you are to the rest of us with that stupid thought.
Now, the workplace romance stuff. If you are such a deewana for Anjali, you have to give a qurbani. A sacrifice. Before you take the following actions, you need to be sure that there is no other chikna in Anjali’s life. Get Ranjit from Marketing onto this straight away. Get him to suss out this information. Once this is verified, here are your steps.
Go and resign immediately. Because a workplace romance is an absolute no no.
Then, start looking earnestly for another job because Anjali will probably want to be with someone who has earning potential.
Once you leave the org, on your last day, ask Anjali if you can connect with her on social media. Ask her for coffee because “you need advice”. when you meet for coffee, ask her if she would be keen on another coffee. You will need to have at least six coffee sessions before you can ask her out.
This is the only halal way of doing this. You absolutely cannot sully your workplace by bringing in your dhadakta hua dil into the mix. You can only do this once Anjali is no longer your manager.
Now, what reason to give for your resignation? Just say personal reasons, and look sad when asked. If the romance is a hit, then you can tell Anjali the truth. But this is the balidan (sacrifice) you need to give this Valentine’s Day. In fact, I recommend you resign on V Day – because this will be a symbolic act.
PS: Are you sure you trust Ranjit? What were his reasons for stalking Anjali? You better make sure he is not the kabab in the haddi for you.
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